Week 4! Really?

June 25, 2020

Current Weight: 287.9 lbs
Weight Loss: +.1 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 9.6 lbs

Here we are. Week 4! Time flies when you are having fun! As you all might have noticed, I gained again this week. 1/10th of a pound. However, lets look at the whole of these last 4 weeks. On average, healthy weight loss is considered at about 2 lbs per week. I AM NOT MAD. I am right where I need to be. Have I screwed up? Yep! Have I beaten myself up over it? Yep! Have I told myself to move forward? Hell Yeah!

Here is something you may or may not know about me. I am EXTREMELY hard on myself. I am super quick to give up on ME. If my friends and family are having a hard time and wanting to give up or give in, I am their BIGGEST cheerleader. Why? Because its who I am as a person. When it comes to Me? I am very very very hard on myself. It is so much easier for me to take that spotlight and put it on others, then it is for me to stand in it. Ever wonder why you don't see pictures of me on vacations and trips? It isn't just because I don't like what I see in those pictures, but because I want to capture as many memories and moments of the people I love and care about so much more then capturing my own moments. I am going to post a few pictures of me below. Pictures that others have taken, mainly my husband, that make me feel one way or another.

Me and My Mini Me. 

I can honestly say this is one of my most favorite pictures of me and my girl. 

This picture is one that William took after my best friend, Cherie's, wedding! 

Me and My BFF Cherie. Ocean City. A long time ago! 

This picture makes me feel all sorts of ways! It was taken by my best friend Denise's husband, David, at one of Chi's birthday parties over the last few years. Denise is by far one of the most amazing people I have ever met and I am extremely grateful that God put her in my life. She pushes me to step outside my comfort zone and do things that scare me. Like go tubing...behind a boat being driven by my Father. Who's sole purpose that day was to get Denise and I thrown off that tube! 

He succeeded! 

This photo was taken by Denise. This was her Christmas gift to me, which hangs on my laundry room door! Proudly! I don't like the way I look. And you can tell I am obviously uncomfortable having a camera pointed at me. 

This was Will and I's first Christmas together. 2001! My Mom took this photo. Its a photo that I actually like. 

Will took this one. We were at a horse show and he just felt the need to take a picture of me. Its another one I like. Mainly because my hair looked great! LOL

Will sent this one to me the other day with the note "This is my favorite picture of you" Truth be told, I think I look awful. I focus on the things I see wrong. My smile is terrible. My forehead looks huge. My hair is weird. My eyes are different sizes. Give me any picture of me and I will pick it apart. But its HIS favorite picture of me. Albeit he doesn't have too many to choose from, but its his. 

Why did I post these? Because I need to start realizing that it doesn't matter what I think I look like. What matters is how I feel inside. You know how I felt in all of these photos? I felt confident. I felt sure of who I was. I felt beautiful. I felt loved. I felt...like me. Over the last um-teen years I have lost and found myself multiple times over. I have lost and found myself because I let myself go to take care of others and when that task was completed, I had to find myself again. Its who I am as a person and I know and understand that. I can't change who I am. But I can give more of myself, to myself.

This last week has been weird. Let me give you guys a glimpse into the world of my weight.

Thur 6/18 - 287.8
Fri 6/19 - 289.6
Sat 6/20 - 290.3
Sun 6/21 - 291.0
Mon 6/22 - 291.7
Tue 6/23 - 291.4
Wed 6/24 - 288.1
Thur 6/25 - 287.9

Did I eat things I wasn't supposed to? Sure I did. Did I eat enough of those things to cause such weight fluctuations? Obviously I did, although I didn't think I did. I try very very hard not to blame my weight issues on some of the medical issues I have. I feel like if I did, I would just use them as a crutch and then I would get absolutely no where. But the bottom line is this. I do have medical issues that contribute not only to my weight gain but also to my ability to function on some days. I try very very hard to push through and do what I know I need to do and sometimes the outcome of that push is great. But most of the time, it ends up kicking me in the ass.

I am going to be extremely honest here folks. It has been weighing very heavily on my mind that I wont be able to do much of anything when we go on vacation this year. My back is more often then not, not happy with me. The fibromyalgia has gotten...bad...worse...excruciating some days. The pain in my feet, genetic, is sometimes so overwhelming just the thought of standing on them sends me into fits of nausea. Do I know that a lot of my pain is from my weight? Yes. Do I also know that I have pain in my back, feet, shoulder blades, abdomen and joints due to severe medical issues that can not be resolved JUST by losing weight? Yes. I do. Will losing the weight help with the pain? Yes. Will losing the weight completely eliminate the pain? No. It wont. Does that make me feel like this whole weight loss plan is a bunch of crap and completely useless? Sometimes, yes. But at this point, I just want to feel better. That is what this is all about.

If I am being honest, I don't really give 2 shits about the number on the scale. Its just a number. It doesn't define WHO I am. I define who I am.

This has shown up in my news feed like 20 times this morning and I saw it fitting to share it here!

I'm not going to talk about recipes or what I ate this past week. Maybe next week I will be disciplined enough to take pictures to share with you. This week, not so much.

I am having lunch with my amazing Mama today. I am thoroughly enjoying my lunch dates with her lately. This whole COVID-19 situation is wreaking havoc on lots of people in lots of different ways. But I am grateful that she drives all the way to my office each week to spend time with me.

I hope you all have a great next week! I look forward to hearing all of your updates!

Week 3!

June 18, 2020
Current Weight: 287.8 lbs
Weight Loss: +1.5 lbs
Total Loss: 9.7 lbs

So I gained. And then? I keep moving forward. This whole weight loss thing is hard and scary and mind boggling! There are some weeks where you do absolutely everything correctly and you gain weight. There are weeks when you completely fall off the wagon and you lose weight. Both types of weeks will make you (me) question what the hell the point of all this is anyway. And you know what, that's OK! Question it! Work it out! And then get back on and do what you need to do! The only person you are really going to let down is yourself. Are you OK with that? I'm not.

This past week has been...different. There was lots of stuff going on and I really didn't have much gumption to do much of anything if I am being honest. I didn't take pictures of all the food I made/ate. I don't remember much of it either. This week has just been...off. But here is what I can tell you/remember!

My amazing daughter graduated 5th grade on Thursday of last week. A drive thru ceremony, no hugs, no high fives and masks were worn. But she got to say goodbye to her teachers and get her school stuff. This school year did not end anything like what ANYONE thought it would. But it ended and again, we must move forward.

I was telling her to shove the frog in her face! She couldn't stop laughing! And yes, Sweet Frog was needed! 

Even Olaf couldn't be bothered to do much of anything this week! Slacker. 

I have been having some sort of mental/emotional breakdown and I am fairly certain my poor husband would agree to do anything for me here lately just to make me smile. A couple weekends ago it was my craft/photography room. Talks were already in the works to replace all the deck boards on our back deck. I have banned anyone from walking on the deck at this point because the boards just aren't safe anymore. So we had these plans to measure the deck this weekend to figure out how much its going to cost us to replace the boards and put up new railings. I was stupid excited! Who in their right mind gets excited about replacing a deck!? Apparently I do. However, that is NOT what happened.

You see, I have this super cute kitten. This one. Right here.

Queen Elsa Kitten

And for as cute and cuddly as she is, she has 1 MAJOR flaw. She picks and chooses when to use the dang litter box. Carpet is her cryptonite. We are fairly certain she had a traumatic experience in the litter box when she was little. I found her on the floor growling in pain one morning. Since then, 3 known seizures and multiple vet appointments later, she picks and chooses when she uses the litter box. No matter how many times I shampooed the stairs, scrubbed on my hands and knees, used vinegar, bleach or any number of pet carpet shampoo "miracle" solutions, nothing worked. So, instead of doing the deck...we ripped up the carpet on the stairs.

Not all the stains on the stairs are from her. She has two spots on the big landings in the middle of the stairs that she has claimed as hers. The rest are just regular joe wear and tear on any stair carpet. I can not even begin to tell you guys how satisfying it was to rip all that carpet out. The original plan was to rip it out, get rid of the carpet strips and staples, sand the stairs down and then stain/paint them. However, just like any project I have in my head, we ran into a few snags.

The very top step is not supported in the middle like it should be, which is why when you step on it it creaks and gives a little. Come to find out, when the builder built the stairway, he only used 2 supports instead of 3, which would have been fine if the tread and the riser were connected. The riser acts as the middle support. Somewhere along the lines, the riser for the top step had to be replaced, so it is no longer connected to the tread. I get physically sick to my stomach each time I think of Will bouncing on that top step and seeing the gap that happens between the tread and riser. So that will need to be fixed.

Both middle landings will need to be completely replaced. One is OEM (??) board and the other is particle board. The carpet padding under the carpet protected 99% of the stairs from any major staining, except for those two landings at the very edges. The top landing doesn't have a finished edge on it either. So those two will need to be replaced.

There is a long crack along one of the steps on the bottom side of the stairway. I am fairly confident, and yes I laugh every single time I think about this, that I broke that stair tread when I fell down the stairs. Oops.

The stair treads are Pine. The rest of the flooring around the stairs is Oak. So...Sigh. We have decided the best bet is to either completely replace the treads with Oak or to get replacement treads that will fit over the existing treads. We are still trying to figure all of this out. The biggest question we have is about the landings in the middle. I can find regular treads, but nothing that is one piece that would fit those stairs.

Before

After

Also, I don't want to replace anything until I can break the dang cat from peeing there! So far, I have placed 2 puppy pads there along with a jar of vinegar to hopefully deter her from sticking around there for too long. I have also ordered an Aroma Porcelain set from Scentsy to place there with a few different oil options. I don't want to deter her from coming upstairs, just from peeing on them! She better be glad she is cute!

Pretty ain't it! Ugh! 

Moving on! Friday evening I surprised my kid with her best friend! Which was quite possibly the best thing we could have done for that weekend! While we were demolishing the stair carpet on Saturday morning, those two were doing their own thing. Saturday evening we went to Brother/Sister In Laws place for a cookout. Sunday morning I made breakfast for everyone and the rest of the week! 

After breakfast the girls played Hydro Thunder and giggled like idiots! One of my favorite sounds! Then they got ready to take Chrissy back to her house for her graduation party. 

What we didn't tell the girls was that it wasn't just Chrissy's graduation party! My BFF did such an amazing job putting together this amazing party for both the girls! They were both announced as graduates and given promotion certificates! It was a great afternoon spent on the deck enjoying the sunshine and amazing breeze with our amazing family and friends. 

The rest of the week is still pretty much a blur. I went to work, I came home, I did dishes, I cooked and I went to bed. I woke up the next day and did it all over again.

However, I was able to spend some time one night cleaning up the camera's I inherited when my Granddad and Aunt passed away. Here are two of the cooler old ones!

From 1937. The price on the box says $11.50!

This one is from the late 1960's. No box so I am not sure on the price of this one. 

This will be my photography setup to display all the cameras and lens I have. I do want to be able to use any of them that I can which makes having them displayed this way much easier. I have other later model cameras that still need a good cleaning and will be added. The bottom shelf will remain empty...because Olaf. 

I did remember to take pictures of last nights dinner! Paleo Country Fried Steak. Disclaimer: I have made this recipe at least 5 times. This is the FIRST, yes the FIRST, time I have made it and it came out like it should have. I could never get the breading to stick properly. The gravy was always bland. I burnt something. Stuff got stuck to the pan. Every time I made it I wanted to throw stuff. This time...this time was different. I had to tweak the recipe a bit, but I did it!

Recipe: Paleo Country Fried Steak

Here are my tweaks. 

 - Bacon grease. Don't be scared to use a lot of that stuff! Every single time you cook bacon, save the grease! You can use that stuff for LOTS of cooking! I used a little more then 1/4 cup for the first piece of steak. After each piece was done cooking, I added another big spoonful to replenish the grease that had cooked off. It sounds super fattening but I promise its a good fat! 

 - Make a double batch of the flour mixture. You will be super sad if you don't! Also, add pepper to the flour mixture. It ads so much to the taste of the breading! 

 - Cook each side for at least 6 minutes on medium heat! Seriously! Put it in the grease, set the timer and WALK AWAY! Don't be tempted to "check" it. Just don't. Let it cook. Flip. Repeat. 

 - I used a whole can of Coconut Milk. No it doesn't taste like coconut. But it makes it a little sweet. I will add more pepper next time to cut the sweetness. 

I think that's all. LOL. I have rambled a lot in this post. And its not really a weight loss related post. More of like a vent/release/ramble post. I guess we all need to have a vent/release/ramble moment every now and again. 

I hope everyone has an amazing week/weekend and I hope to see all of you back here next Thursday! Hopefully next week will be more productive! 

Week 2!

June 11, 2020
Current Weight: 286.3 lbs
Weekly Loss: 3.1 lbs
Total Loss: 11.2 lbs

You Guys! I am 1/3 of the way to my goal!!!!!!! 18.8 lbs to go!!!!!

I have to confess a little bit here. After all, I want this blog to be completely transparent about my weight loss journey. No skipping over things and no leaving things out.

I cheated. A lot. Badly. Oops.

This past Saturday we decided to have a cheat day. We had Subway for lunch and then a frozen pizza for dinner. Last night...I ordered Domino's because I had absolutely no inclination to do anything other then veg out. I know I shouldn't have done it. But I did. And now I have to continue moving forward.

Lets recap the last week a little bit...

Recipe: Baked Paleo Pork Chops with Onions, Apples and Bacon

This is one of my Mom's favorite recipes. I am not a huge fan. Mainly because I have issues with textures. The apples in this....are mushy. And I don't do mushy. My recommendation is to use harder, sweeter apples. We used red onions, but yellow onions would probably be fine too. All in all, it tastes good, but it isn't a favorite. :( 

Recipe: Shepherds Pie

This is a favorite in this house! It looks like a lot of work but it really isn't. There is a recipe out there with Sweet Potatoes instead of regular potatoes, but I have issues with sweet potatoes so...we do this one. The way you make the potatoes for this recipe is also how I now make all my mashed potatoes! So Good! 

 On Saturday I had a lot of things I needed to do so it was kind of a whirlwind. I got up early and unpacked all the camera equipment from my Grandfather and Aunt. They were both huge photography nuts, like me, so I was lucky enough to inherit their equipment when they passed away. My plan is to clean everything up and display it all in my photography/craft room.

While going through all that stuff I found 3 rolls of undeveloped film. The date on one of the rolls is from 1990! I am fairly certain all 3 rolls wont have much that isn't damaged, but I took them to be developed anyway. Hopefully I will get some nice images back!

After going through all the camera stuff, Chi and I hopped in the truck and headed to get my oil changed. While the truck was being worked on, Chi and I walked over to Michaels to look for paint for her to paint her ceramics and to look at display boxes for all the camera stuff. I have since changed my mind on how they will be displayed! Whew! Those things are expensive! We were able to find some paints, paint brushes and a gloss spray for Chi! Bring on the crafts!

After finishing up there, we walked back over to retrieve the truck. Then we headed to Target, because why not! After Target we headed over to CVS to drop off the film and then picked up Subway for lunch and headed home. Mom came over around 2 and we headed to the grocery store a little after 3. After putting the groceries away, Chi had me drive her down the street for a "pool" party. It ended up being a water gun fight! She texted me a little after 8 and said she was staying longer. Then texted around 9 for me to come get her. We had frozen pizza for dinner and started the Netflix Series, Dracula.

Sunday was a day for cleaning. I was hurting pretty bad so I knew I needed to stay up and moving. I got up and made breakfast, like I do every Sunday morning. While I was making Sunday breakfast I made breakfast for both of us for the rest of the week.

5 with Scrambled Eggs and 5 with Hard Boiled Eggs. Sorry for not having a picture of all of them together. 

After breakfast and dishes I needed more stuff to do. So I hung up the earring holder that my sister Amy gave me, with the help of my hubby!

I cleaned out all my boxes still left in the closet from when we moved...over a year ago. I then realized that I might have a slight lotion obsession.

I cleaned up one of the corners in our bedroom that has been driving me bonkers! Now the kitties have 2 more spaces to hide/sleep if they so choose and it looks nice and bright.

I went through my nightstand drawers and the drawers under the bed. Found some old pictures, sent pictures of them to Mom and made her cry...I think. I didn't mean too...

Chi came to me while I was cleaning, pointed to her mouth and said "Can you pull this tooth out? Its bugging me!" Ha! Of course! So I yanked that bad boy out before she even knew it was gone.

Threw a bunch of stuff out and organized a lot. It was a very productive weekend.

No recipe for this one. Just store bought burgers, compliant of course, with mushroom caps as buns. I wont marinate the caps next time. He ended up chopping them up and putting them in a salad. 

Monday night I went on my first walk in a long time....oh the hills!

Tuesday night we had Pepper Lime Chicken with baked potatoes and broccoli! No picture, because I wasn't thinking. Sorry guys. But Pepper Lime Chicken is an all time favorite for us. Super easy to make too! I marinate the chicken all day and then just broil it when I get home. We have the recipe in our super old Better Homes and Gardens recipe book, but I was able to find the recipe online as well! You're Welcome! 

Wednesday night we had Domino's, because again, I suck. I fully expect to pay for that decision over the next day or so. I was fully prepared to get on the scale this morning and be heartbroken. I wasn't. I probably will be tomorrow tho. 

Today, Chi is graduating 5th grade! I took the day off to take her to her "Drive Thru Graduation" and then we are gonna take a trip to Sweet Frog. Maybe we will go to Hobby Lobby as well! And hopefully we can make it over to see Aunt Amy today as well! Other then that, today is her day. I am so incredibly proud of Gwen. She has weathered this crazy COVID-19 storm pretty darn well and is just trucking on through. None of us really know what next school year will bring. Hopefully, we can get back to normal. 

Well, I am off to finish my breakfast and get ready to take Chi over to her school. I know that I have screwed up with week, I own that. And I am moving forward. 

How are you all holding up!? Fill me in on your week 2! 

Week 1!

June 5, 2020
Weight: 289.4
Weekly Loss: 7.9
Total Loss: 7.9

Well, Damn! Would you look at that number! Hot Dog!

Let me tell you that I certainly don't expect numbers like that every week! But I am beyond excited about this number currently! My back isn't as terrible as it was, which is a God sent! And I don't feel nearly as bloated! Have I stuck 100% to the Whole30 this week, Nope. Am I mad at myself about it...Not Really! I am doing the best I can at the moment to follow the rules but life happens. If I have learned anything its THAT! Life just happens. You have to roll with the punches and not beat your self up about it.

We are taking a slightly different approach to the W30 this time around anyway. I am not going to fall all over myself to make sure that the bacon I buy doesn't have added sugar in it. I am not going to buy the compliant mayonnaise at three times the cost of the perfectly good mayonnaise currently in my refrigerator. And I most certainly am not going to tell my husband he has to cut out the honey (which is NATURAL btw) in his coffee because its a "no-no" on the W30! I'm just not. Do I know that the entire/whole (lol) purpose of the Whole30 is basically to detox your body and remove the unnatural crap from your system? Yes! Do I know that sugars and sweeteners are a huge NO NO on this plan? Yes! And I get it. (I am gonna go off the rails here for a minute about Honey. Bare with me!) HONEY IS NATURAL! A natural, no sugar added, sweetener. Made by Gods little minions! I'm not giving up honey. So there!

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. This time around, we are sticking mainly to the concept of lots of protein and lots of veggies. And if I am being honest, its obviously working! My amazing Mama is coming to have lunch with me today. We are getting restaurant salads. Which are NEVER compliant. Why you ask? Unless you are just getting lettuce with veggies and no dressing, its not compliant. You never know what the chicken is cooked in oil wise. You never know which dressings have added sugars and which don't. That is part of what makes the W30 so hard sometimes. You have to do all the cooking yourself to be sure that you are 100% in compliance. And right now, in our world, I just don't have the time or the inclination. So, we are compromising. Will is dropping weight as well so I am pretty sure he is happy with how things are going.

Now, onto the food! I will be trying to come up with a page on here for all my recipes, but until then, I will be posting what I make for dinner each week and include the recipes below them.

Recipe: https://thedefineddish.com/5-ingredient-chipotle-lime-shrimp-lettuce-cups/

So this recipe was supposed to be Shrimp CUPS...my lettuce didn't want to stay as lettuce leaves so I chopped it up and added it to my existing salad fixings. I then drizzled some of the sauce from the shrimps over the whole salad along with half a lime! So Good! Nice and super light, but super filling. 

Also, the way that I make salads in my house is I chop up 2-3 heads of romaine lettuce and then add in 1-2 bags of the 3 Color Coleslaw mix. From there you can add in your favorite salad fixings - maters, cucumbers, boiled eggs, etc.. The lettuce/coleslaw mix stays nice and fresh in my refrigerator using this amazing bad boy! PS - I am working on getting a bigger one because my family goes through salad like mad people...this one, the medium one, will hold 2 heads of romaine and 1 bag of coleslaw mix. 

Visit Lisa's site for more amazing products! Lisa Barony

FridgeSmart Medium

Recipe: I know there is an actual recipe out there but for the life of me I can't find it. So here is how I make it. 

4-5 LARGE Cans of Chunk Chicken in Water

Mayonnaise - I like my chicken salad creamy, so I add enough to make it so. Use your judgement

2 Celery Stalks - Chopped as finely as you like

2-3 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice

Salt and Pepper to taste

Yes, it is that easy! Put this stuff in your fridge and enjoy it as a meal over lettuce or as a nice snack! I have never been able to keep it in my fridge for longer then 5 - 6 days because its just that good! And feel free to add the things you like to it! I am not a fan of grapes in my chicken salad but that's how a lot of people like it! Add in grapes, onions, carrots, cucumbers, etc.. The more veggies, the better! 

Recipe: https://40aprons.com/whole30-egg-roll-bowl-paleo/

This is a huge favorite in my house! Chi isn't much on it, because she is weird, but we love it. If you have been a reader of my blog for a while, then you know the issues I was having with eating certain foods after Shelley got sick. I am pleased to say I didn't have any issues eating this dish this time around! So Good! The recipe above has you make a creamy sauce. We don't do that. We use Thrive Markets Chipotle Lime Mayo! Its insanely good and can be used on all sorts of things! 

Recipe: https://www.destinationnursery.com/2014/09/18/creamy-potato-bacon-soup-you-would-not-even-know-its-whole-30-approved/

This is a household favorite! We ALL lick our bowls clean on this one! I use a whole pound of bacon, yukon gold potatoes, 1/2 to 1 extra cup of chicken broth and NO nutritional yeast. I have the yeast, we just like it without it. Also, I use ALL the bacon grease from that 1 lb of bacon. Gives it extra flavor and its a great source of fat. This recipe also makes a great breakfast! 

Recipe: https://paleoleap.com/balsamic-roast-beef/

The above recipe is really just a guideline. W30 doesn't allow alcohol, so nix the red wine. However, I just make it super easy. 

3 - 4 lbs Roast

2 - 3 lbs Potatoes (you pick)

1 lb Baby Carrots

Salt and Pepper to Taste

1 Cup Beef Broth

1/4 cup Balsamic Vinegar

8 - 10 hours on LOW in the crock-pot

I have to take a moment to express my gratitude to everyone who stopped in and read my post last week. The amount of support I got was overwhelming and I am so excited to be able to share my journey with you all. A few of you even expressed your want to join me and I am so happy about that! Let me know how you all are doing! Where are you after your first week? How are your goals looking? What are your motivations? What are your pitfalls? What obstacles are you currently facing? Who is your biggest support? Leave me a comment below or come on over to my fb page to chat! 

I have started telling myself everyday that I Am Amazing. I am Strong. I am Confident. I can do anything I put my mind too. I believe in ME. 

YOU are AMAZING! You are Strong! You are Confident! You can do anything you put your mind too. I believe in YOU! 

Have a great week my friends! I will see you all next Thursday! :)